I'll play catch after I read the paper.

Coffee will stunt your growth.

A little dirt never hurt anyone--just wipe it off..

Get your elbows off the table.

This is your last warning.

I'm not just talking to hear my own voice!

Stop crying or I'll give you a reason to cry.

Don't forget to check your oil.

You could drive a wooden man nuts!

You're only young once.

You're gonna like it, whether you like it or not!

The early bird gets the worm. Rise and shine!

If your friend jumped off a bridge would you?

You have things so easy!

Don't look at me in that tone of voice!

What do you think this is, your birthday?

How many times do I have to pound that into your head?

What part of NO don't you understand?

I don't care what other people are doing! I'm not everybody else's father!

Didn't your teacher learn you anything?!

Two wrongs do not make a right.

Don't use that tone with me!

Am I talking to a brick wall?

If I catch you doing that one more time, I'll...

Wipe your feet!

Enough is enough!

Don't make me stop the car!

What did I just get finished telling you?

My father used to tell me...

Act your age.

Go ask your mother!

Just wait until I get you home!

Be home early.

Fill your mouth with food and not with words.

New born child: "I've seen raisin puddings that looked better..."

Promises, Promises! (In response to "I'll never speak to you again!)

Is that a threat, or a promise? (Likewise)

You'll be sorrreee!

Hey, did you hear me talking to you?

Even a blind pig finds an acorn now and then.

"Here I taught you everything I know and you still don't know nothing!"

If I didn't love you so much I wouldn't punish you... I would let you do whatever you wanted.

Headache remedy: Put your head through the window and the pain will be gone.

I feel for you, but I can't reach you from here.

You should visit more often. Your mother worries.

Go tell your mother she wants you.